Lady of Death
Are you curious about death, dying, and the funeral industry in Australia?
Join us as we chat and learn from experts from funeral directors, to embalmers, from those who create floral arrangements to photo presentations and so many more. We will gain insights and have open and important conversations about this topic that is so often shrouded in mystery.
Hopefully you will come away enlightened and have a deeper understanding of this essential part of life!
Lady of Death
Unmasking the Art of Funeral Celebrancy
What truly happens behind the scenes of a funeral ceremony? Brisbane's renowned celebrant Suzie Philp unveils the shroud of the life of a funeral celebrant.
Suzie dispels common misconceptions about her work, revealing the 10+ hours that go into each personalised ceremony.
Through candid conversation, Suzie offers wisdom for celebrants and those that don't know about the industry. Yet her philosophy resonates beyond funerals: "Whatever you do, as a celebrant or otherwise, do it with passion, do it with courage... because you don't know whether or not you have that opportunity tomorrow."
Have questions about death, dying or the funeral industry? Email ask@ladyofdeath.com.au to have them answered in a future episode.
Hi there, my name's Robyn O'Connell and I'm the Lady of Death.
Robyn:In this series of podcasts, we're going to be talking to people that work in and around the area of death, from celebrants to those who work in a mortuary, to all sorts of other peoples involved in death and dying. It's really weird, isn't it, that we don't talk about death. We don't talk about all those things. So hopefully, over this period of time, you might learn something, but you might also have questions that you'd like to ask. So at the end, I'm going to give you an email address to send your questions to, and then, after we've done our first series of 10, we'll look at the questions and answers that come from that and then work out where we go from there. I want to know from you what you want to know.
Robyn:Welcome to the very first podcast for the Lady of Death. My name is Robyn O'Connell and with me is Suzie Philp, I would say Brisbane's top celebrant. Welcome, Suzie. "Thank you, Robyn".
Robyn:So first of all, Suzie, tell me about yourself. Who do you live with? We've got a little fluffy visitor underneath.
Suzie:We do, he comes with me everywhere. I am very happily married. My husband is extremely supportive of my career. We are empty nesters other than two little white fluffy dogs that are the little loves of our lives.
Robyn:They're gorgeous. Both of them are absolutely divine. I'm staying with Suzie at the moment. So, Suzie Philp, I knew you when I first met you 10 years ago, I knew you as Suzie Venn and it's really hard for me to get my head around Suzie Philp, but I'm going to do my very best.
Robyn:So how long were you a marriage celebrant before you decided to become a funeral celebrant?
Suzie:It was around five years from when I was first registered as a marriage celebrant that I undertook the training with you in Melbourne, b est decision of my life to do that training!
Suzie:Marriage celebrancy was something that I had always wanted to do. It was something that I had an ambition for in my early 20's.
Suzie:I'm a little older than my early 20's now, quite a little, quite a big bit older than that and I achieved that ambition when there was the deregistration and it was open to more people to be able to be celebrants. So I did that, achieved that, was doing well, had a great business with it as part-time.
Suzie:But there was still something calling me with regards to funerals and the ceremony around death, and I'd long been fascinated with that, since I was around six years old. I'd read some books and that really ignited that interest back then. And then I was in my own business at the time and I really kept that pull kept coming towards me, and so I sold that business so that I could go and do that training full-time with you, and I have never looked back. It was a huge risk, but it's all in. You know, go big or go home.
Robyn:That's Suzie, absolutely all in. So what made you become a marriage celebrant in the first place?
Suzie:Ceremony - it was about bringing people together and doing something well. It was just always an interest. It was an intriguing part, it wasn't very common. There wasn't a lot of marriage celebrants around when I first really wanted to do it and we had to wait until we could do it. It was just something that was in me. I can't really explain why I had to do it, but I just knew I had to do it.
Robyn:But you're no longer a marriage celebrant?
Suzie:No, I actually let my registration go. I retired from it really last year. I made the decision that I'll leave that to others. It wasn't giving me the same satisfaction from a business perspective and I've got a fantastic husband, I married him two years ago and I really like to spend my weekends with him. So I made that decision to focus on what was really important, and that's my husband and family.
Robyn:Okay, I always ask people what is their why? Why do you love funerals?
Suzie:That's a really tough question. Why do I love it? Well, I love people's stories.
Suzie:I've always, even as a child, I would be sitting at a bus stop and I would talk to people and I would probably have their life story within five minutes as a youngster. I t takes me a little longer now because I ask deeper questions. B ut I've always been fascinated by people and everyone has a unique story and I don't know that everyone's story is told with the right amount of respect or with the right amount of dignity or even with the right amount of lightheartedness, depending on who they are and what they are.
Suzie:So I just feel within me that I have that ability to listen and translate and create and create that space, create that ceremony, create that moment and create that feeling for people who come to a funeral that they've just done the very best thing that they can for that person and that you know they've honored them in the way they want to, whatever way that is, and there's no right or wrong, whichever way people do it. It's just that I'm that conduit to make that happen for them, because I am very open and receptive to sharing ideas and running with ideas that people have to make it as authentic as they want it to be.
Robyn:It is I think one of the beautiful things and I know I remember one man came up to me after a service and he said "thank you for bringing my mum back to life for just one more hour" and it was the most empowering feeling of I obviously nailed it, but it was that the joy in his voice to feel like his mum was with him for just that amount of minute more. What are some of the things that people have said to you after services?
Suzie:It's a range of things. There's a whole myriad of things that people say. Usually it's the gratitude, similar to that. But for a lot of families, particularly families that have been fractured or there's been difficulties or estrangements, usually taking that extra minute when you're speaking with them to prepare for a ceremony and making sure that everyone is heard, and then you know, leading a ceremony where everybody feels that they've been heard, and I get a lot of gifts and messages and flowers and accolades and that just highlight that you did that perfectly. They would have loved that.
Robyn:That's the best, isn't it?
Suzie:That is the best. I just say "well, thank you. You could give me no greater compliment than somebody saying, 'oh, the deceased would have loved what you've done and they would have loved the way that this was'. Or you know, 'you've created something for us that was just magical'. When I hear that sort of stuff, I don't go searching for that, I don't even have Google reviews, I don't need that sort of validation. But you can see it during a ceremony, on people's faces as well, and you think 'yep nailed that one'.
Robyn:It's that body language thing, isn't it?
Suzie:Very
Robyn:When you talk about their children, you know, talk about the 'mother and the children relationship' and you see the children raise themselves up with pride about 'well, that's my mum, I'm so proud of what she did'.
Suzie:Or people nodding in the crowd when you say something or you're sharing a piece that you've written, and they're nodding and you think, 'yep, you're connecting with that person right now' and you know that is satisfying. It's beyond satisfying. I t's not the greatest paying job in the world, but it's the most satisfying job in the world and and I am privileged to do it and very lucky. I did have a gap away from it for a little while.
Robyn:I don't know anyone who's successfully gone away from funerals without wanting to come back in some form or another, because there's just something about them that just draws you back.
Suzie:It's about relationships as well, and as a celebrant. Obviously there's a lot of funeral celebrants in Brisbane and elsewhere, and really it is a business as well as that calling, and you do have to really work on the relationships that you have, not only with the families that you serve but also the funeral directors that engage your services. And for me it's about developing and that level of trust that I'm going to do the right thing, that I am going to be creative when it's needed to be, that I'm going to turn up looking professional and that I'm going to speak professionally and that I'll handle difficult situations. Sometimes multimedia doesn't work, sometimes the fractures in families erupt in all different ways, and it's being able to manage all of those relationships respectfully, kindly and calmly. And I can do that and I'm really proud to say that I can.
Robyn:Yes, it is an art, you've got to be prepared. My husband always says that I could easily get a job with the United Nations, with some of the things we have to navigate.
Suzie:He's very right.
Robyn:And sometimes you just kind of like go 'oh, this is crazy, like you know, how on earth am I going to pull all this together when you've got, particularly now, when we've got, second and third marriages and children from different relationships and there's, you know, all those dynamics to work through?'
Suzie:The dynamics are so diverse and you have the different generations with different expectations, different wants, needs, demands. You know it's not uncommon for me to receive phone calls or emails at you know, 11. 30pm on a Saturday night saying 'I want to know this now' and unfortunately this is a 24/ 7 job. It's about managing those expectations, but also being able to give your best every day. It's exhausting, it is satisfying and I want to do this until the day I can't do it anymore or do it to the level that it deserves.
Robyn:I always said that if the time comes and I think, 'oh, I've got a funeral tomorrow', I will give up, because I've never had that thought that this is a job. You know, there are some families that perhaps are a little bit more challenging, that you kind of like go, ' I'm glad that one's over', because I've had to navigate through some pretty, you know, shark infested waters to make sure that everybody came away happy. And you know, and sometimes you're just not going to change that, you're not going to change the family dynamics, and even when someone dies it either brings out the best or the worst in people, we do see the best and worst.
Suzie:And once again, it's managing those expectations with people and honestly being honest with them, just saying, you know, if something can happen then we'll make it happen. But if what they're demanding sort of doesn't fit within what the scope that the family's already agreed to, well, it's about managing that and just being honest and having clear, upfront communication.
Robyn:I remember one of the people who trained with me telling me that she actually left a family meeting because they were being so positively rude to one another that she said "I think that you need to have a family discussion about this. I'll come back tomorrow". And I went you know what? In 22 years I've never had to do that, but it was a really. She just said it was i t was like a volcano ready to erupt and she said the best thing I thought that I could do, you know, and I said I think that's fantastic. Good on you for having the courage to be able to do it.
Suzie:I'm probably a little stronger personality in that respect. They're not going to waste my time by demanding for me to come back the next day. I've allocated that time and they've agreed to that time. They can learn to behave like humans and I will give them time. I'll step out of the room and just say I'm going to give you a couple of minutes just to sort yourselves, and then I'll come back and then we'll have a conversation together. And now, if somebody doesn't want to be a part of that, I respect that. You can call me later, but I don't have the capacity to come back tomorrow. Quite frankly, I'm too busy.
Robyn:And your time is important. You know, I think that's probably one of the things that people do not appreciate about celebrants is actually how much time it all takes.
Suzie:It takes a lot of time. You are giving a little bit of your soul every service that you do, and what goes on behind the scenes is not calculated, it's not noticed, it's not. I'm certainly not looking for the recognition for all of the hours, but I would say a minimum of 10 hours work per ceremony is hand on heart to create something that's bespoke, to visit a family, navigate through all of the backwards and forwards and and you know making suggestions for any verse or readings or anything that they want to have.
Suzie:It takes a lot of effort to get it just right and we are like those. You know the swans on the water. It's very smooth, sailing, all composed, everything is graceful and elegant. Underneath it is flapping like duck's feet under that water to make sure everything comes together, and that is working with the funeral directors as well as the family. So there's a lot of behind the scenes that happens to make it just right and I'm not prepared to well.... you are only as good as your last service.
Suzie:So if you are unprofessional or you, you know, cut corners for that. Well then, you deserve what you get.
Robyn:So what do you think are some of the misconceptions that people have about funeral celebrants? What do you think they are?
Suzie:Some of the misconceptions that I would think that might exist would be that we just do a quick phone call with a family, that we just put together the service that we did 20 times last week, and that we turn up and then drive off within the hour and we get paid a mozza. That is so far from the truth. it's not funny.
Robyn:That's right, they don't see, and it's a bit like weddings as well, you know they they rock up to a wedding and they see a 20 minute service and go, 'wow, you charge that much for 20 minutes" and they don't look at the 10 hours that goes behind that 20 minutes.
Suzie:The request from a family has come in, and then they've said 'look, we've got everybody here from from down south and we need the ceremony to happen within two days. So in that two days, not only do you have to readjust your diary, you need to go and see that family, wherever they're based, it's all over the countryside. You are going to all far-flung corners of the state and beyond, you know, and that that takes time and effort. And then you've got to, conduct that meeting, and then you've got to come away, you've got to provide information to your funeral director. Then your back office, you know the likes of creating invoices, all of that sort of thing, following up, invoice, all your admin things. And then you've got to write, sit down and actually write that ceremony.
Suzie:If you are a celebrant that takes a lot of pride in your craft, and I do, you will provide something so very different for every service that you do. You don't use the same poems, you don't use the same music, you don't do the same welcome. All the time you create something that really reflects the person that that's been lost and then something that the family or the people that left behind that they will connect with. So just because someone has reached, you know, a glorious age, doesn't mean that they shouldn't be recognised for all of the things that they've done, all the highlights, all the achievements, and it takes time to work out what they are, yes, and so sitting down and creating that and often that'll be done for me it's either very late in the evening or, first thing you know, 4am or 5 am in the morning, because that's when your creativity might be at its best.
Robyn:No, mine doesn't. Mine happens about 11pm and goes through to about 2am.
Suzie:I'm 5. 30 in the morning, and that's before you head off on a day of full, full day of meetings and full day of services. And then, you know, starting it all again and having a life as well.
Robyn:How do you balance that?
Suzie:I balance that a lot better now than I used to. I had a gap because I became unwell.
Robyn:Will you share with us about that?
Suzie:I will. I actually had a leaking brain aneurysm which I had to take a fair bit of time off just to learn how to live again and navigate the world with a brain injury, and it's been tough, I will say. B ut I've been very, very fortunate. I've had wonderful support from my family and from my fantastic friends and I am very proud to report that just a couple of weeks ago I was given the all clear! My aneurysm has been secured and I am ready to live round two, version two of my life.
Robyn:Fantastic!
Suzie:I'm one of the lucky ones and I know that, and I live like that. So for that, I was previously a workaholic because I believed in what I did. I had a very good business as a funeral celebrant and an extremely good reputation. I did move away from that for a while, as I said, and that pull. I've come back, but it was on conditions. My beautiful husband made me promise that I wouldn't be a workaholic, that I would limit the number of services that I did per week and that I wouldn't be traveling all to far-flung corners of the earth, that I would limit the geographic area that I covered just to remove some of that potential for stress which I may, or may not have been, suffering before and may have contributed to my condition. But, as I said, we're living version 2.0 now and I balance my life. I have time with my family, time with my friends and time with my puppies, and I do the things that I enjoy to do, and I've learned how to say no, which is a very hard word to learn for anybody.
Robyn:'ve is.
Suzie:So when you have to learn to say 'no, I'm sorry, I'm not available', another celebrant will surely be found. It is lovely to have those requests from families that I've served for many years. And they come to me and say 'Suzie, please, I'd really like it if you could do this one for this family. They saw you years, you know, seven, eight, nine, ten years ago.'
Suzie:Yes, and, and it's a pleasure to do that, but I also have to make sure that I balance what is important to me, and that's version 2. 0.
Robyn:Yep, I remember you telling me, when you decided to change tack for a little while and work in another job, that you know the whole conversation around death, when you had just really faced it, was kind of like something that you didn't want to go back to. And I remember saying very vividly to my husband that 'you know, I hope she goes back to it one day. I just hope she goes back to it'. And so the happiest day of my life was when you rang me and said "I'm considering going back, what do you think? And I went what are you even asking for? You need to do it like right now!"
Suzie:.
Suzie:I was very fortunate. I did put some feelers out to some of the funeral directors and companies that I'd had relationships with previously and I said, "look on the off chance that I, you know, perhaps might return to the industry. And it was an overwhelming 'thank the Lord. We can't wait to see you. We've been waiting for you to come back' and that was so encouraging. And it just goes back to the relationships that I had worked on for so long and it's a really important part of celebrancy is, as I said, those relationships and if I didn't have that reputation or I didn't have those relationships with those people, I probably would be struggling now to re-enter a very it's a bustling, (it's crowded now) now, it's very crowded, and I've been really overwhelmed with the reception I've received and I'm
Robyn:But you're also very bloody good at your job too, Suzie
Suzie:I!'m
Robyn:What do you think are some of the biggest challenges you face in your work?
Suzie:The challenges? Well, one of them, if I was to look at it from a business perspective remuneration is one, and particularly for younger or even newer celebrants breaking into the industry. I know what that was like back when, 10 years ago. But some of the challenges, I think, is overcoming some preconceived perceptions that you don't need a celebrant or that you, you know, you can just get any celebrant and they'll all be good. Well, they're not. I'm afraid they're not all good. For some it's just the tick and flick, I'll just swap the name out. Here's the cookie cutter service I use time and time again. That's not me, that's not good enough. Yeah, yeah, you know, maybe there is a place for that, but not in my world.
Suzie:And for some funeral directors it's the bottom line, you know, and they don't see the value or the effort that a funeral celebrant will put in to make them look good. And I have a lot of respect for the funeral directors that I work with because we understand each other, because we understand each other and we have worked to make sure that we understand each other, I respect what they do. 'The one who does the paying does the saying' I would never try to take over a ceremony, and it's always referring back to them. Is this what you would like to happen? Can I help you with this?
Suzie:And it's also knowing that line between your role very much and the funeral directors very much so, but recognising that they're the boss, they're the one the family is responsible to and I'm responsible to the funeral director. T hat would be a challenge, I think, for a lot of people, and that's feedback that I hear around the traps, that that you know some celebrants come in and want to own the chapel for that time, but that's not the way it is.
Robyn:Yeah, and I hear that same feedback that they, you know. I remember, not that long ago, one funeral director saying to me the celebrant just walked in and told us what we were all meant to do, which wasn't what we would normally do, and she was sort of like 'well, I've checked with this with the family, and they've said yes'.
Suzie:Overstepping the mark and even for some celebrants it's changing the agreed process of a ceremony.
Suzie:For example, if a family has met with a funeral director, perhaps the funeral director doesn't have a hearse available on that day, but the celebrant then goes in to meet a family and says 'oh no, no, no, you don't have to do the curtains on that, we'll get you the hearse'. Well, that's not their decision to make and it's overstepping and overreaching. That is still an issue, unfortunately, and I think that comes with experience and with a little bit of nous as well.
Robyn:And just talking to the funeral directors - communication.
Suzie:Communication is the key, absolutely. I'll never, never, never agree that you can have too much of that.
Robyn:So this, this new thing called AI, has suddenly crept into our world and a lot of people are now thinking that you know, how is that going to affect celebrancy? A nd how is that going to to do things? From my own personal point of view, it's who we are that makes the ceremony.
Suzie:That absolutely true true, I couldn't agree more. Um, one of the things that I say to families. They say, oh'oh so you're going to send us the script of what you're going to say on the day,?' and I said, well, actually I don't send that to you . One One, y ou've got a lot of things to think about on the day. But also we need to remember that a ceremony like this is a spoken document. It's not a written document, so what's written on the page will be translated so very differently by the celebrant who is sharing their words Ai AI I think, has a place within this space, but I don't use it because I still a little bit of a dinosaur in that respect. I have used it for other emails, but for me it's what comes from my heart and my soul when I'm writing something. If I was to get stuck and I really couldn't find something, I might, but I haven't and I don't see it happening any time soon, but I think it could actually breed a fairly lazy celebrant as well.
Robyn:Possibly, yes, but I can always tell when a grandson or a granddaughter's chosen AI to do a tribute to their nan or pop or whatever, and I go, you know, I don't know that you'd use those words in normal conversation.
Suzie:And that's really what you want to have. I had to have started really seeing that in ceremony, so yeah, I agree.
Robyn:You can tell that they've kind of like gone, 'I don't know how to write this, I'm just going to put it in chat gpt' or whatever the thing is at the moment and they come out with this very polished, beautiful wording of something that just doesn't sound like it came from their voice.
Suzie:And that's okay if they're comfortable to do that. Like I said, everything has a place and it's about the level of comfort, and is that the expectation for them, maybe?
Robyn:That's right. And going back to what you said before, I'm the celebrant who sends the whole script to them. We all find our own path and the comfort of where we sit. I would be so terrified to do what you do and I know you do it exceptionally well because all the funeral directors up here tell me that I'm currently in Brisbane. I normally live in Melbourne and you know, all the funeral directors tell me that your ability to be able to do that. And I remember many years ago one of the celebrants who was around, who was very popular and was a personality, and somebody had to fill in for that person and they said when they received the script it was really tricky but because she had the presence to be able to pull it off, this woman didn't have the presence and she she rang me and said what am I going to do? And we talked through some strategies for her to be able to deal with. But it's a really difficult thing and it's very difficult. People don't realize it's very difficult to pick up somebody else's words and read them like they're yours.
Suzie:it's very hard to do and particularly when you have well, I personally have very high standards in terms of the writings that I do. That when I read other work that probably doesn't meet my personal standard, I really don't want to align with that necessarily, of course I would help any celebrant that needs it, and certainly I've mentored quite a number of celebrants. I've, you know, helped people write things you know in their words but help them around. But it's very difficult to pick up someone else's work and just fly with it. I've had to do that many, many times, and terribly, I do say " Well, unfortunately the celebrant wasn't able to be here. They've provided me with their ceremony and it's my pleasure to be their voice today",
Robyn:That's right, it's a very nice way of saying I'm not very mindful of that, but I think it's always so.
Suzie:It's about the family, though, that it's really happy with.
Robyn:Yeah, and it's you know I, I know I. I had a similar experience and I was kind of like, oh my gosh, you know what am I going to do with this, and I just had to wing it a little bit and just hope that it did what it did. So so tell me about a service that has always stayed in your mind. You know those very special services that we do. What's one off the top of your head? What's one that was just one of those ones where you walked away and you went. That was just simply beautiful.
Suzie:There's quite a few in my mind that I just think, 'wow, I really did my best work today'. And there was a ceremony recently for a little bub and it was almost like an interview with with her parents when I met with them because they they had never had to navigate anything like that before and they were very specific in in the vibe that they wanted to deliver for this little one and it was, t here was so much love, um, you know, in there when they were speaking and I came to them with some ideas and suggestions and and then when they said, 'oh, we really want to have a poem for, for our, for our daughter', and I just could not connect with any poem, that was in any of my resources and I've got resources from all over the world.
Robyn:We
Suzie:I was hours and hours and I thought and I stopped. I was in my office and I actually said to my husband (he was working from home that day) and I said "this is ridiculous. Why am I sitting here trying to find other people's work when I need to just sit down and write something for this little bub? And I did. They had a theme of bees. It was something that brought them comfort and I wrote a poem about the little girl and the bees and what it meant and what it meant for her parents, and they were just in tears. I provided the poem to them and I said look, I hope you don't mind, I've taken the liberty of doing this. And they just said you, you nailed it. You actually understood what we wanted. You understood our daughter without even meeting her and you understood us as a couple. Because there were so many different elements to this poem and I just thought that's why I do what I do.
Suzie:It's not for the accolades, it's not for the you know people sending emails and gifts and all sorts of things. I mean there's been a number of services. There was a family that I actually led the service for. Their mum and their father was a very old school, traditional guy and I'd met them in their home. We had a beautiful cup of tea out of some beautiful tea service and I'm a tea pot and tea cup collector, so it was really that touched a nerve for me and we talked about their mum and we created the service. And then at the end of the ceremony on the day, the father handed me an envelope and I said, "oh, what's this? And he said open it later . Later and it was inside was crispest Christmas $50 note and a little handwritten note 'thank thank you for listening us' us. And that He'd even done that before the ceremony was, you know, completed before it was even started. But he such an old school thing and I actually went back with a thank you card to the house and let him know that I had bought a plant for my new house with that money. I was very grateful. Of course I didn't expect it, but I was very grateful and I bought a plant and I named the plant after his wife. I called the plant Joan
Robyn:Oh, wow, wow,
Suzie:Yeah but it was really nice for me to do that. I had a new home that I was living in and it was a very happy healing home and that plant is still alive
Robyn:Wow yeah well, because if it was me that the lifespan would have been extremely short.
Suzie:There's some families that I've looked after for 10 years. You know led four, five, six funerals for them and for their friends and then you know done weddings. Before I'd retired from weddings I'd done, you know, quite a few weddings for families. You become the family celebrant,
Robyn:you do.
Suzie:I was just at a service,
Robyn:and it's so special, isn't it?
Suzie:It really is, it's so special. I finished a service the other day and up the aisle at the end of it I was packing up and up the centre of the chapel aisle a man said "you're still the goat and I went I beg your pardon. A man said you're still the goat and I went I beg your pardon and he said you're still the goat. And then I remembered about maybe five or six years ago I led two services for a family One, t he first one was for their son and then the next one was for the mother's father, so the son and grandfather and after the first one it was very touching, it was unexpected loss and they were really lovely. Family gave me this most beautiful large candle. I love candles and this beautiful scented candle that I, and I went to her and said "thank you so very much and I lit that candle in my new home and for that it was a really touching thing for me. It was bringing beautiful energy into my house. And then I was invited to do the ceremony for the grandfather and the lady's husband said to me you're the goat. And I said what does that mean? Greatest of all time?
Robyn:Oh, wow,
Suzie:And I was blown away by that because I've never really been called that. And then, years later, I see him and it turned out to be his aunt's service and he said "you're still the goat. And I said is it.... he said" indeed, it is.. Unfortunately his wife wasn't there, she was unwell. And I said do you think she'd like a visitor? And he said she would love to see you. That made my heart swell.
Suzie:Yes, because it really just solidifies that what you do does matter and it does make a difference. You might not realize it on the day, but when people come back to you months later after a ceremony and say we didn't say thank you, and I said "well, you did say thank you and I said it doesn't matter if you don't, um, and they said no, you have no idea how you changed". I've had, you know, calls from people. You've no idea that you put our family back together.
Suzie:You know there was a mother and son who'd dealt with a father who had alcoholic issues and it had changed him as a person and could cause fractures with the relationship with his son and with his wife, and for that the son stopped talking and the son was angry and all of those things. And when his father passed away I sat them down and I started to talk with him and I said to him "I really would like to listen from you about your dad and how you feel. He said no one wants to know how I feel. And I said I certainly do and I don't want to leave till I understand it. And then we talked more and she said I've not heard him speak like that. And she actually rang me quite a bit later and said "you gave me back my son and I thought you know what?
Robyn:What job gives you that?
Suzie:What job gives you that? So you don't realise it. But when I say you do, put a little bit of your soul into it. It's not just the ceremony writing, it's when you meet with people. Are they heard? Do you listen? And do you want to listen? You've got to want to listen and and it's sometimes the thing you'll hear.
Robyn:You'll hear so much more right?
Suzie:A lot of things aren't said with words they're said with the surroundings or they're said with what's written on people's faces or their body language, and that's right. You know, there's so much that you read and the perception. You've got to be so perceptive to people and you know if you can make that tiny little bit of difference. Well then, tick job, well done today.
Robyn:What a beautiful note to end on. I have absolutely loved this time together,
Suzie:Thank you
Robyn:We we don't sit down and kind of talk like this lot, so So it's really lovely. We've been friends ever Suzie Susie came down to Melbourne and we've kept in touch all this time and we've seen each other through a couple of hairy things, but all of that's come out at the right. A nd and I just would like to ask you if there's any last thing you would like to add?
Suzie:Whatever you do, as a celebrant or otherwise, do it with passion, do it with courage, and if there is something in this world that you want to try or do, just do it, because you don't know whether or not you have that opportunity tomorrow. I was a goner and now I'm not, so I'm living every day to the absolute maximum and love with your whole heart.
Robyn:Beautiful words. Thank you very much.
Suzie:Thank you
Robyn:To wrap up our sessions, as a big fan of the actors studio, I'm going to take a leaf from their book and ask a series of questions to each of our guests. So, Suzie, your seven questions are:
Robyn:What is your favourite word and why?
Suzie:For a very long time, my favorite word has been peculiar, because it actually sounds like it is.
Robyn:I love it. I love it.
Robyn:Number two is what is the thing you are most grateful for in your life?
Suzie:Love
Robyn:Beautiful.
Robyn:If you could work in any other role rather than what you do now, what would it be?
Suzie:I think I would follow my heart into social work.
Robyn:What is the sound that you love the most?
Suzie:When I am in a big, warm hug with my beautiful husband and he speaks, and it's the sound of his voice vibrating through his chest into my ear.
Robyn:If you could have dinner with one person, living or dead, who would it be?
Suzie:My grandmother, Betty Hunter, the most beautiful woman in the world.
Robyn:What do you think is the most important lesson you've learned in your life so far?
Suzie:To be grateful for who you are and to embrace every moment, because it is so very easy for our life to be taken from us.
Robyn:As you well know.
Suzie:I well know.
Robyn:And directly from the actor's studio, I actually tried to massage this a bit because it's got a religious bent, but I've come back to the original question because I think it's the only way that you can do it.
Robyn:If there is a heaven, what would you want God to say to you when he met you at the pearly gates?
Suzie:Suzie, it was a little touch and go there for a while, but I can see that you've come sliding in sideways, but we are waiting to welcome you.
Robyn:Beautiful. Thank you so much for your time. Suzie, funeral celebrant extraordinaire. As we wrap up the very first podcast.
Suzie:Thank you
Robyn:If you have a question you would like to ask or any other related occupation you would like to ask or any other related occupation you'd like to learn about, please drop an email to ask@ ladyofdeath. com. au. That's, ask@ ladyofdeath. com. au and we'll look at possibly doing a podcast of the questions you've always wanted to know about, but never knew who to ask.
Robyn:This is Robyn O'Connell, the Lady of Death whose philosophy is 'organising your final farewell is not about wanting to die. It's about wanting to reflect who you really are in your goodbye'.
Robyn:Thanks, see you next time.